It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
