Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize