not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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