DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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