Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
