I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
