You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
