i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
