my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
