woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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