Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
