if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
