He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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