Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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