woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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