i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
