Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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