so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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