Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
