how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
