Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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