whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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