i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
