My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
