i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
we should paint friendship bongs
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize