So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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