every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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