my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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