well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
