i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
