She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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