Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
