I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
