im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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