You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
