Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize