oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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