phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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