It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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