I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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