If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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