Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
