So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
