You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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