U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
