I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
