if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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