you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Randomize
