I want to have your abortion
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
