Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
