He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
