dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
