you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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