He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
