I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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