I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
