I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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