If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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