there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
