His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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