I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
