but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just had sex on a roof
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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