to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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