I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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