STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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