Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
