If i come over, it means nothing
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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