Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
