You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
