So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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